Buffoon from the Lagoon

From deep beneath the black and white 3-dimensional bog of the upper Amazon’s furthest reaches…comes me…the Gill Man. Um…booga-booga!

Working from my satellite office in Cleveland (seriously…like NO wi-fi signal in the Amazon), I’ll be semi-regularly dropping useless bits of b-movie analytics and shortish reviews, in addition to random pop culture insights and personal diatribes that are of very little interest to anyone but yours truly. (Yet…you continue to read anyway. Awesome.)

Friends, colleagues and victims get tres tired of hearing me spout off about my intensely accute passions, so this will serve as a dumping ground…a literary barf bag, if you will…or perhaps a toilet, where my verbal diarrhea can be flushed away to the water treatment plant of annoying verbosity where it is transformed into a digestible series of zeros and ones for you, my dear solitary reader, to safely ingest without fear of dysentery or bacterial poisoning. (Do I know how to sell myself or what?!)

When I’m not carrying off beautiful screaming women to my Hefner-esque grotto or defending my lagoon from over-eager scientists and heartless poachers, I’m probably in Cleveland, where I spend these solitary days waiting for employment as a “writer.” (Note the quotes.) I’m just like any 32 year-old unemployed human bachelor and enjoy the things that appeal to most men…except sports…and gaming…and Maxim…and Ax Body Spray…and I’m green and breath through a series of gills along both sides of my face. But other than that — just another guy.

I don’t eat people (*sigh* Common misconception, that.) or attack unless provoked (Please do NOT poke me with sticks or point harpoon guns at me. ) But I do watch a lot of movies, particularly genre movies (b, horror, exploitation, etc.), and try to stay up on my pop culture. (Though, my Entertainment Weeklies come about 2 freakin’ months late to the Upper Amazon.) But I like to write about other things as well (sex, drugs, rock and roll, careers, sociology, philosophy, amphibian politics, etc.) and welcome any and all curious passerbys to stick a toe in to test the murky green waters. Be a Lagoonatic! …No? Okay, I’ll never use the term again.

But enough “getting to know you” crap. Let the lagoonacy begin! (Sorry. I’ll really try to stop that.)

Back to the lagoon-

~ by Number5ive on March 5, 2007.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: