S. Darko: A Donnie Darko Tale (2009) Reviewed

"This MUST be a sequel to Donnie Darko because, lookee, I'm a scary bunny! Rar!"

"This MUST be a sequel to Donnie Darko because, lookee, I'm a scary bunny! Rar!"

Watch S. Darko, the pseudo-sequel to 2001’s Donnie Darko, with the sound turned off. Come up with your own interpretation of what you are seeing, write it down and — voila! —  you’ve just developed a treatment for a more coherent and entertaining movie than the one you just watched. –OR, better yet, take the screenplay and randomly rearrange the pages. Tah-dah! You’re ready to begin your career as a direct-to-video sequel-maker for 20th Century Fox. Daveleigh Chase, the only returning DD cast member, plays Donnie’s baby sister, Sam. Best I can tell, the story outlines a derailed road trip with her bitchy best friend. En route to L.A. to realize Sam’s dreams of becoming a dancer, they break down in a small town filled with annoyingly eccentric characters. She experiences some dark, trippy visions, travels through time, survives an alternate universe and dies more than once. The story is sloppy and rambling, the dialogue is wince-inducing/hilarious, and the performances remind me of an equally professional production: Mrs. Hull’s morning kindergarten class’ production of Three Billy Goats Gruff (in which I played “Robber #3”). I’m forgiving of most attempts to sequel or reboot a favorite movie or franchise (After all, I even found merit with the Blair Witch Project sequel.) but this lazy, half-baked piece of crap is a crime against humanity and someone should have to pay.  If I can find one nice thing to say about SD it’s that there are some exceptional visual effects wedged in among countless lumps of cinematic stupidity. But that’s little consolation to any fans of the original DD (Count me among them.) who took a chance on this ill-advised, poorly-executed, cracked bottle of celluloid snake oil. Richard Kelly, DD‘s writer and director, wisely put as much distance between himself and SD as possible and I’m sure he’s pleased that only one very brief flashback from from his obviously superior effort pops up. SD‘s director, Chris Fisher, and writer, Nathan Atkins, should be condemned to making direct-to-DVD sequels to American Pie for all eternity — because I doubt their sincerity as much as I doubt their commitment to Sparkle Motion.
Watch the official trailer for S. Darko:

Related Entries:
Donnie Darko Sequel Announced

~ by Number5ive on June 16, 2009.

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